Dear Blog,
 
I wish I knew where my life is heading. Some may say now into a no man’s land. Within the last 7 days I had a joint visit from a Physio and a Occupational Therapist. Although it could have gone worse I only felt a little better afterwards, but I suppose it is, at least, something that actually occurred I guess. I was asked about the physio exercises, to which I replied I still wasn’t able to do them on my own while still battling all my other complex medical conditions, especially my ongoing severe mental health problems which leave me extremely depressed. I won’t seeing the private Physio I sometimes use till 2012 as I cannot afford to do so at the moment. I cannot afford everything, and it’s a scandal that maintenance physio in my area is not available free on the NHS. The Occupational Therapist said that she would refer me for a electric wheelchair assessment from Social Services but it would be for indoor use, but I want to use it both indoors and outside, I want to go out before the snow comes.
 
I’ve got someone coming to demonstrate a electric wheelchair next month. This offers me some hope in general, but still being housebound is making me feel like Crap inside, as is losing my entire routine which emotionally holds me together. Some people offer sympathy which helps, but nothing ever changes Social Services or the Mental Health team. They just seem to think just existing and vegating in my flat is enough for a client (no way, not by a long shot) and that all the issues will just go away i.e. me, so they don’t have to part with any money from their budget. My GP has been very good, I certainly don’t blame him for the fact the mental health team and others just procrastinate and do nothing apart from passing the buck to 1 another.
The Physio also offered to help me use the mobility scooter, but I had to tell her it wasn’t charged up, and I cannot get the cover off or open the window to charge it up as I cannot bend or even plug the scooter in myself. I asked her kindly to give me notice next time and then we will see what we can do about it.
The only piece of good news that I have, is a female carer I use sometimes took me across my local pier in my manual wheelchair, and I reconnected to my surroundings and the world around me. I had been feeling manic ill all week so this release of very intense feelings was badly needed, I even had a nice glass of Rosé afterwards. I’m only human and at 35 don’t want to be housebound, but the high cost of care, especially when it can only be achieved privately, frequently continues to breaks my heart inside.
Confused
 
It looks like nothing is really going to move forward in the next fortnight, but I will be seeing the Urine Continence Nurse next week. I’m trying to survive Xmas coming up, but just dreading it. Normally me and the box and going out to the odd church service does me, but without my guardian angel Frank I just don’t know how I’d be able to cope this year, it has not been kind to me. I hope 2012 will be slightly better for me. In my next blog I’m going to try my hand at writing what I think of the film Monte Carlo and next weeks events in general.
 
Goodbye for now people.