I ventured outside yesterday afternoon and, more or less, within 6 mins. of going out, my legs started to give out on me, and my walking frame felt just like dragging a very large bag of spuds across the floor.

I bumped into a close female friend en-route who put me straight into a taxi home, luckily before the 4th fall I would’ve had this year. I broke down in tears, just sobbing uncontrollably, feeling so trapped in my own home although I love my joint. I recently got a 2nd hand mobility scooter, but there is no one in the world to give me regular lessons in how to use it safely. A brilliant expert told me recently he couldn’t give me any lessons as he was not insured to do so, so his insurance had informed him. I cannot blame him for that now can I? I have not found anyone else as yet who can help me with that. I want my life back as I’m starting to feel trapped, utterly miserable, and sometimes suicidal. I’ve got a dealer coming round next month to help me try out a Electric wheelchair. I eyed one up online called a Karma Traveller, but I’ve since been informed this is not suitable for both inside and outdoor use because of the wheels or something. It seems that no matter what the price of regaining any freedom is, it is either very high or not possible. At Present My Mobility scooter and myself are not working out in the way that I hoped. Reversing is a clear problem, I cannot turn to see behind me, and getting through the gate to get home, not reversing too far back as to avoid falling over the kerb, and getting round the side of the building are all potential hazards. I fear being stuck in the flat and socially isolated, and not being able to go out safely anymore for me is just heartbreaking, me and the 4 walls forever at home, no thanks! 

As for Social Services and the Community Mental Health Team nothing has moved on. The only calls I get are from occasional friends, and sales and marketing calls which (except for surveys) I don’t want anyway. I was told during my last hospital admission I may hear from my local community mental health team. I told them “Who are you kidding, haven’t you heard they don’t want me as a client. They only ever close my case or just make me cry.” I did speak to a MS Nurse and I’ve got another Physio and an Occupational Therapist coming round, but as I’m a private tenant my present flat cannot be adapted to meet my needs, and as I have both physical and mental health needs its unlikely, and so far impossible, to get the right combined OT assessment. In my area Rehabilitation Physio is not provided, and as I battle another 16 different medical conditions, including severe Depression, Multiple Post Traumatic Stress disorder and Bi-polar 2 disorder, I’m not mentally well enough. And because of my learning disability too I’m unable to do physio exercises on my own. I phoned the Social Services call centre yesterday asking for another assessment. This may or may not happen, and even if I get it, it will be incomplete, only taking in my physical side, not my learning disability or mental health needs. 

I’m tired of this, and because of my worsening MS I see no way out anymore. What’s the point of living when you cannot enjoy it anymore. Where will this all end now?